My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
