Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize