i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
