Your face is a jimmy john
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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