Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I faked an abortion last night.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Randomize
