Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Randomize
