Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
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