A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
You were trust falling into bushes
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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