white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
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