i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
