did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
