why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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