dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
