can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize
