i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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