I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
What a dumb baby whore.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
