You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
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