That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
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