I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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