The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Randomize
