why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
