All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Randomize
