i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
