he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
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