Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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