Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
