I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
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