Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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