Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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