he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
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