apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
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