mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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