Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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