Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
