Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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