i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
