Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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