he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
