He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
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