don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize