The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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