If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
