I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
