remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
well I can't set my house on fire every night
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Randomize
