i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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