I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
She needs sedatives and a leash
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
