Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Randomize