Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
