I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
