wat bout pragnant strippers??
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
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