somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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