so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Randomize