I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
i already hear my dad disowning me
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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