in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
