Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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