is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
He kissed a someone with a penis
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
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