you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
