this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
