someone threw a dead crab at me
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Randomize
