he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
