90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
