Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
