You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize
