Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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