Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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