I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
