its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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