Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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