Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Farmville is her only friend.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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