yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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