This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
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