whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
