I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
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