sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
