dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
