she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Randomize
