Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
