Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
