he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
