Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize