I didn't shave. On purpose
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Randomize
