Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
