I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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