normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
