I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
