she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
