she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Randomize
