we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
