youre lurking in front of me
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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