Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize