Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
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