My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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