My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
