I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
