They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
