Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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