I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
