I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
