Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
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