I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
