God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Randomize
