Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
