Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
