oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
