It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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