How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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