Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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