she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
